A Chicago couple, who got married just after they each finished law school, went through the process of argument, therapy, argument, and inevitably divorce. Why is this story noteworthy? Because both were and still are divorce attorneys, as the New York Times reports. With years of experience helping clients through often messy and almost always heartbreaking divorce proceedings, the divorce lawyer couple knew when divorce was the only option forward, and how to best go about the division of property, custody of their child, and more. Perhaps we can learn from this example, which begs the question, “Can a divorce be handled in a positive manner so none of the parties thereto suffer?”
The Early Years of the Divorce
Like many couples with children who have separated or became divorced, it took the Hammers a few years to find a living situation that worked best. The mother moved to Houston with their son shortly after the divorce, while the father stayed in Chicago and made frequent weekend trips, which emotionally wore on their young child. A year later he left his firm to move to Houston, but after just one year there, all three (mother, father, and child) moved back to Chicago because they believed it would be a better place to raise their son.
Nesting After the Divorce
Instead of splitting custody time of their son by moving him from the father’s house to his mother’s house depending on the week, they decided to try what is referred to as “nesting.” The child stays in the home while the parents take turns living there and in a different home. This allows a child to remain in a stable, safe environment, which often is the best option for a child of divorced parents. According to Kids Health, the most important things you can do for your child during divorce include keeping legal talk away from children, minimizing disruptions to their daily routines, keeping each parent involved in the child’s life, and keeping negativity and blame outside of the home. The Hammers split finances fairly, again making things easier on their child, who was still very young and did not understand that his parents are divorced—a word that they never use around him. They still refer to their trio as a family, and each other as “we,” as in “we are giving you this gift.”
Dating After the Divorce
The Hammers have a don’t ask don’t tell policy regarding dating other people. Whether they are seeing other people or not, at any given time, they have committed to making their family and their son the top priority.
Advice for Other Divorcing Couples
Both parents should agree that it is possible to have a good divorce, despite divorce being heavily discouraged in American society. They believe that the divorce system “sets up adversarial thinking without regard to whether that makes sense. Litigation almost always solves nothing, but it costs a lot and can be very destructive.” Their last bit of advice for divorcing couples is to have compassion for one another, to not mention anything to the children until there is a plan in place, avoid shaming yourself, and realize that there are many options for divorce, and what works for one couple may not work for another.
Call the Maryland Divorce Attorneys at Frame & Frame
If you have come to the conclusion that divorce is best for you, your spouse, and your children if you have any, the Pasadena divorce attorneys of Frame & Frame are here to help. Call our law offices at 410-255-0373 and let us help. Schedule your consultation today.
Resources:
kidshealth.org/en/parents/help-child-divorce.html
nytimes.com/2019/01/03/fashion/weddings/2-divorce-lawyers-better-after-their-own-divorce-but-still-together.html